


I Love You California. Love, Texas.

by phenomanon



Series: Older Fic Remix'd [1]
Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-16 23:30:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20611160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phenomanon/pseuds/phenomanon
Summary: Long one-shot about the ups and downs of relationships (and life).





	I Love You California. Love, Texas.

An old fic of mine (2009) that was conceived because I **love** the idea of Greg wearing Nick's college swag. 

**SONG PLAYLIST**

✨ [dodie - Sick of Losing Soulmates](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qGFAkyfjDU)

✨[ Joji - SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3Qzzggn--s)

✨ [Dean - D (Half Moon) ft. Gaeko](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eelfrHtmk68)

\---------------------

Nick was in the process of reading a case file when his phone began to vibrate. Looking at the caller ID, he noticed that the call was coming from within CSI.   
  
"Stokes."  
  
"Nick Stokes? This is Sheryl from the front. You have a visitor."  
  
Nick merely grumbled a half-hearted '_okay I'll be right there_' as he ended the call.   
  
Upon entering CSI's reception area, Nick saw two women engaged in a lively conversation. Once his presence was known, the beautiful redhead turned to Nick.  
  
"Hi sweetie! I brought you lunch." She squeaked, running over to plant a soft kiss on his cheek.  
  
"Thanks babe." He said, his voice completely devoid of emotion.  
  
The woman nodded enthusiastically as she went on a quick rant about her eventful day. Nick tried his best to lend an ear but was genuinely uninterested. Sheryl, the receptionist, seemed more intrigued by her stories than Nick.   
  
"So yeah, that's what I get for trying to save a few bucks I guess." She finished, looking down at her watch. 

Seeing the time, the woman vocalized her tardiness for an appointment as she handed Nick a brown paper bag. He weakly smiled at her, returning her kiss impassively. 

"Gotta run, I'll see you later Nicky!"

He nodded, waiting until she was completely out of sight before sneaking a foreboding peek into the bag.  
  
Inside was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich accompanied by fragments of fruit. Nick was upset, because he really hated peanut butter, disliked jelly, and even worse, despised Olivia's efforts. All this time together and she still didn't know that he detested peanut butter. Because Nick was a curmudgeon, he knew that he must have brought it up at least a couple of times in conversation.  
  
At this moment, Nick was reminded of a painful flashback when he caught Greg at his place trying to make him lunch.

  
  
_On a brisk morning last fall, Greg had woken up exceptionally early (at least in Gregorian timing) to sneak into the kitchen and pack Nick a special lunch. Unfortunately for him, Nick's biological clock had been broken since high school and he could wake up at the drop of a pin. Greg had also forgotten that Nick was an early bird who got up early every day for his morning runs._ _  
  
Nick recalled surprising Greg that morning, embracing his slender body from behind while placing tender kisses down the slope of his neck. Greg had begged for Nick to stop, hoping to continue his sandwich mission. B_ _ut he was wearing that sweater Nick couldn't resist, so he never got to finish making his lunch. Greg_ _ wasn't complaining though. He was too busy laughing and running around, trying to throw stray pieces of bread at Nick to slow him down. They eventually ended up on the floor, rolling around while Greg tried to slap him with two pieces of bread.  
  
The kitchen might have ended up a huge mess, but it was a mess well worthwhile.  
  
"I'm a lucky man. Look at you trying to make me lunch...in my favorite sweater." Nick said affectionately.  
  
Greg was still smiling at him as Nick placed a loving kiss on his forehead.  
  
"I was trying to, until you caught me off guard. Now you'll have to eat tuna salad without any bread since we threw it all."  
  
"That's fine. I can just eat it off you, right?"_

  
  
That was the last thing Nick reminisced about before being dragged back to reality by Ecklie's voice.  
  
"Nick, did you hear what I just said?"  
  
"Hear what?"  
  
"I said it's _darling_ that your wife bought you lunch, but could you please get back to work now? The city's not gonna approve your overtime."  
  
Nick scoffed. "_She's not my wife_" was oddly the first thing that came out of his mouth.  
  
Not really caring what Nick had to say, Ecklie shrugged and gathered his files from the receptionist before heading to his office.   
  
Nick let out a deep, helpless sigh as he crumpled up the small bag and tossed it into the nearest trash can.

  
\---------------------

  
"Yo Nicky, I just got a call back from a case. Possible survivor. You mind running these samples over to trace? Gotta go!"  
  
Before he could even finish the rest of his speech, Warrick had zoomed out of there like an Olympian sprinter. Sighing, Nick picked up the evidence bags Warrick had left behind.  
  
He used to love making visits to the lab; Greg's lab. In fact, at one point, Nick used to hover over the other CSIs just to see if anyone needed anything run over to trace. It wasn't just because he was a Southern gentlemen or wanted to move the case along, but because he liked sneaking glances at the wacky-haired lab tech. The way his playful eyes would light up every time Nick entered his lair or the weird conversations they'd get into.  
  
But now the lab was nothing more than a painful homage to Nick's past. His visits were no longer filled with a sense of joy and wonder; they were strictly business-related and a game of who could ignore who the best.  
  
Nick sucked in a deep breath and exhaled before taking the samples to the lab. When he neared the translucent door, he looked inside to see Greg handling at least a dozen DNA swabs. He knew backlog was bad, but Greg was an expert analyst and it was his job to run them.  
  
Knocking softly on the door, he wasn't surprised to see Greg look up and then quickly back down. Taking this as initiative, Nick entered the room in silence.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Just set 'em down there. I'll get to them when I can. I'm—"  
  
"Really backed up, I know."  
  
"Yeah." Was all Greg answered back as he returned to processing evidence.   
  
He didn't bother to give Nick a second glance as he pushed by him to grab a bottle of solution. His arm accidentally grazed past Nick's, causing another painful memory to take over his senses. 

  
  
_It was a few years ago when Nick was still scoping out Greg. _

_He was on one of his eager trips to the lab when he looked up to see the young chemist already staring at him, a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes.  
  
Nick had entered the room that day with a sense of curiosity and nervousness. Apparently Greg had been thinking the same thing, showing it off in his body language.  
  
"Your samples are ready. Not that I would ever put your samples ahead of someone else's...or that I play favorites...but I gotta say. You're definitely one of my favorites."_ _  
  
That comment alone had enough impact to redden Nick's entire face. Even his arms and legs began to heat up. Greg immediately noticed the change in temperature as he ghosted a few fingers across Nick's cheeks.  
  
"Been breathing in CO fumes?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Your face is pink, a symptom of CO exposure. Indicative of—" _

_Greg could never stop himself from rambling when he was feeling anxious._

_"Wanna get dinner with me?" Nick blurted out, surprising himself as much as Greg when he heard the words leave his lips.  
  
But Greg was not deterred or disgusted by any means. _

_"Sure, just you and me?" He replied in a completely nonchalant voice._

_"Yeah?"  
  
"Okay. No take-backsies though, I want that free meal."  
  
Nick smirked, but not because he had just successfully scored a date with the cute lab tech he had been eyeing. But because he knew Greg understood the underlying meaning in his voice, the want and need; and that made Nick feel warm inside._

  
  
Finally after years of tip-toeing around each other—the relentless flirting and awkward invitations—Nick had successfully opened the barriers. Only to close them up again a year or two later.  
  
Nick shook the thought out of his mind as he realized he was still standing in Greg's presence. But Greg hadn't spoken another word to Nick as he was actually engulfed in the experiment he was working on. Nick ducked his head in shame as he pushed the glass door open.  
  
At one point, Nick had it all. And now, he had nothing.

\---------------------

_It was quite possibly the ugliest card that Nick had ever received. Maybe the second ugliest compared to an especially tacky one he had gotten in kindergarten on Valentine's Day._

_ Nevertheless it could have only come from one person.  
  
'**I hope you have a dino-mite birthday!**' The card read, complete with a green dinosaur wearing a party hat, holding a stick of dynamite in his hand.  
  
He opened the Hallmark tragedy to he read the chicken scratch inside.  
  
'**This was so horribly kitsch that I just HAD to get it. I know you'll get it. Also, you better have an appetite tonight Texas, because I'm taking you out and I don't care what you say. ILY.**'  
  
The trademark crows feet housed under Nick's eyes reappeared as a huge smile spread across his lips.  
  
He instantly recognized the handwriting, though he had already known the whole time who the sender was. It wasn't the first birthday wish he'd received that day, but it was certainly the best. And even though the ghostwriter didn't sign the card, Nick knew he'd be seeing more of the phantom author later.  
  
That following evening, Greg had surprised Nick and taken him to a kitschy steakhouse on The Strip with a fabulous neon view of the city. Though Nick and Greg had seen their fair share of Vegas city lights, they rarely got to see it from a bystander point of view. That rarity alone had made the night even more interesting.  
  
But of course it wouldn't have been the complete Sanders experience without Greg challenging Nick to the steak house's eating competition; all 72 juicy ounces of it. Anyone that could finish the entire monstrous steak in an under an hour would get their meal free, plus a photo of their prize-winning mug on the restaurant's infamous wall of fame. Although Nick was pretty optimistic in the beginning, halfway through he realized that there was no way he was going to be able to finish. With Greg's help however, the slab of meat quickly disappeared off his plate. _

_It was such a Greg thing to be genuinely proud of their accomplishment together, even though they were technically disqualified for tag-teaming. But in true Greg fashion, he documented the night with a cheesy photo, a photo that was still saved on Nick's computer somewhere._

_Nick never thought he'd find a photo of a man biting down on a steak bone so endearing._

Then again, nobody else in the world was like Greg. Nobody had his fiery personality, quick wits, and boyish good looks. They couldn't recite the Periodic Table of Elements in less than a minute nor could they competitively take part in 'Name That Chemical Compound.' No, they couldn't tell Nick about the oddities of liquid latex or the stats of the world surf competition going on in Hawaii.

Olivia wasn't Greg, and she never would be.

But he knew it wasn't her fault either.  
  
"Baby, you comin' to bed?"   
  
Nick shook himself out of his thoughts as he turned to face Olivia. She was relaxed on his king-sized bed, outlined in a sexy lingerie set. Liv was kind and effortlessly beautiful, but still, she wasn't Greg.  
  
"Uh...yeah. I just gotta finish up some work real quick."  
  
"All right cowboy, don't work yourself too hard. I'm gonna go to bed. I have a meeting tomorrow morning. Good night Nicky, love you."  
  
"...Good night."

\---------------------

A couple of months had passed and Nick found himself zoning out at work. He was usually immersed in a couple of cases, but he had somehow finished early and found a few quiet moments to himself.

Autumn had vainly colored Vegas in an auburn, brown hue; schools of leaves and debris littering the vast city like a snow globe.

"Good work on the Wingham case today, Nicky." He heard Catherine say from afar.   
  
He turned back to give the strawberry blonde a big smile.   
  
"Thanks, couldn't have done it without ya Cath."  
  
"Please. You know the ropes better than I do sometimes. Anyways I'll see you tomorrow. Get some sleep, Nick, you look like you could use a few hours."  
  
Nick nodded as he waved her off and headed towards the locker room. All he wanted to do was go home and slip underneath the covers. Olivia was at a business conference for a week and he was oddly relieved.

\---------------------

Nick popped the top to his second beer as he sunk comfortably into his lazy boy. He was watching a rerun of Hawaii 5-0 when he heard a gentle knocking at the door. Looking over at his clock to see that it was only 7:21PM, he got up and peered into the peephole suspiciously. He was shocked to see the distorted outline of a particular lab tech on the other side.  
  
Forcing his brain to move with his body, Nick tightly grasped the doorknob and opened the door.  
  
The person on the other side of the door slowly lifted his head though he failed to meet eyes with Nick.  
  
"G-Greg."  
  
"Hey. I was cleaning my place today and I found some of your stuff. I was gonna throw it away but I dunno...just decided to bring it over." There was no joking or playful tone in his voice; only bitterness.  
  
"Thanks. Would you like to come in?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Come on. I mean, I haven't seen you in almost a year."  
  
"Nick, we see each other every day."  
  
"I mean _really_ see you. You know what I mean."  
  
Greg knew. "I don't know what you're talking about, man."  
  
"Just come inside for a second. Have a drink. Non-alcoholic if you'd like."  
  
"Actually, I think I need the alcohol."  
  
Nick didn't know whether to smile or frown at that response. Nonetheless he moved aside so that Greg could enter.  
  
"It hasn't changed much. You know, since—"  
  
"Is she here?" Greg suddenly asked, cutting Nick off ruthlessly.   
  
He swallowed hard before turning his back and heading towards the kitchen.  
  
"No. She's on a business conference until next week."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So how are things?" Greg asked in a completely monotone voice.  
  
"Things are good...I guess."  
  
"You guess?"  
  
"So ah," Nick took in a deep breath. "How are things with you?"  
  
Greg's eyes sporadically shifted towards Nick as he shrugged his shoulders.  
  
Nick took the awkward silence as a chance to glance over the box Greg had brought over.   
  
"May I?"  
  
"Sure, it's your stuff."  
  
Nick tried to smile as he rifled through the box. Most of it was trash, lost mementos he'd forgotten about until now. Some old CD's, a notebook, a cup—but his hands stopped moving when he felt the soft, cotton fibers of an item he recognized instantly.  
  
It was his old A&M shirt. The letters were cracked and peeling from constant wear, but the maroon piece of clothing still held a deep meaning to him.

  
  
_It was a shirt he hadn't thought twice about until he started seeing Greg. _

_One night when Greg was sleeping over, after they made love, Greg lazily dug around for a shirt to wear to sleep. Nick could still recall the excited look in Greg's eyes when he found Nick's old college tee.  
  
"Oh my God Nick. Is this—"  
  
"Oh man. Where did you find that?"   
  
Greg immediately unfolded the neatly tucked shirt and put it on. It was a little baggy on him, but other than that, it was a perfect fit. Nick stopped whatever he was doing and focused on his jubilant boyfriend who was dancing around in his old college threads. He had never seen that shirt look so good before, not even on himself.  
  
"Man, I haven't seen that thing in ages. I mostly keep it around for memories."  
  
"Really? And what were you in college Nick?"  
  
"What was I what? I thought we already played this game."  
  
"No, we played the 'What Were You in High School?' game. This is a new game."  
  
"Well, just like I was in high school—I was dependable."  
  
Greg chuckled in a low growl as he started to crawl onto the bed. Nick smirked, relaxing against the headboard.  
  
"But you were in a frat. That's pretty hot."  
  
"I don't know about hot."  
  
"And part of the college baseball team."  
  
"Uhuh."  
  
Greg moved in a fluid motion, like a cat, and pounced possessively on top of Nick. Nick wriggled underneath him and laughed wholeheartedly, attacking Greg with genuine affection.  
  
Greg laughed along too, trying his best to combat Nick's tickle-curious hands.   
  
"Y'know, I was a cheerleader in college."  
  
Nick suddenly stopped moving.   
  
"Come again?"  
  
"It's kind of embarrassing, but I did it for a year. I think I was trying to find myself and make friends or something. Gotta love a liberal arts school, right?"  
  
Nick was breathless. "You never told me."  
  
"You never asked."  
  
"I can't believe you never told me."  
  
"Well, there's a lot of things about me you don't know, Stokes. Care to find out?"  
  
Nick smiled again as he placed a particularly ferocious kiss on Greg's lips.  
  
"Try me."_

  
  
From that night forward, Greg refused to part with the shirt, saying that it reminded him of Nick. He wore it almost every night to sleep, a few times to work (under another shirt of course), and even when he would go out on the town. Nick had offered to buy him a new one, perhaps even a pack of them (as they were easy to find), but Greg refused saying that it was the sentiment he treasured. It was the idea of something once belonging to Nick, then being passed down to Greg.  
  
But now the shirt was lying lifeless in a box in front of them both.  
  
He slowly looked over at Greg whose eyes had become fixated on the floor. The shiny glaze indicated that Greg was trying his best not to cry, and in all honesty, Nick had to fight the same urge himself.  
  
"Greg...You didn't have to give this back. Any of it."  
  
"Why? It's not my stuff."  
  
"I know but...Well, I gave you this shirt and—"  
  
"And we're not together. I knew this was a bad idea."  
  
"No please. I just—"  
  
Nick couldn't find the words. He couldn't even focus.  
  
"I should go."  
  
"Greg, wait! I want you to know that...I'm sorry."  
  
Greg snorted at Nick's lame attempt at an apology as he got up and gathered himself. Wiping a phantom tear from his eye, he headed for the door.  
  
"I know what I did was fucked up. I regret my decision every day. I'm human, okay?"  
  
Greg stopped mid-walk but didn't bother to turn around. The tears he had been trying so hard to hold back finally swelled. Sorry didn't even begin to cut it.  
  
"Greg...I hope you're happy. I really do. You don't deserve the shit that I put you through and I'm extremely grateful for the short time we got to spend together. I just hope that you can find happiness one day."  
  
"Are you stupid?"  
  
And Nick was. "Yeah."  
  
"The only person that I ever felt that way with was you...you know that."  
  
And now it was Nick's turn to cry. Tears he didn't even know he had began to stream down his cheeks as he softly gripped the shirt in his hands.  
  
"I don't need you to wish me good luck. I just need to know why."  
  
"You know why."  
  
"Because you were ashamed?"  
  
"No—Greg, God! No." Nick nearly screamed, tossing the shirt back into the box and running towards Greg.  
  
He wanted nothing more than to take Greg into his arms again, kiss him all over and go back to the way things used to be. But he wasn't Nick's to kiss anymore. He wasn't Nick's to love.  
  
"Oh really? Because I think your exact words were 'my parents want me to get married to a woman.' And that's the last thing you said to me."  
  
Nick's breath hitched in his throat as he suddenly found it difficult to intake air. He felt like he had just been sucker punched by a professional boxer.

It was painful hearing it all reverberated back to him, but he could only imagine how painful it was for Greg to hear it from the one person he loved.  
  
"Shit."  
  
"Shit is right, Nick. And not only that, but I tried to reach out to you. I called you so many damn times, trying to figure out what was going on. For weeks! You ignored me. Then, you started going out with what's her face. I hope it all went according to your master plan."  
  
"It didn't." Nick was finding it hard to piece together the words he wanted to say. Instead, all he could come up with were short, stern responses.  
  
"I loved you, Nick. I cried for months over you!" Greg hiccuped between sobs. "I'm annoyed to even admit it, but I was so hurt that I had to take a few days off work. I told people it was because I wanted to visit a few friends back home but...I lied. I just couldn't stand to see your face anymore...hear your voice...see you with _her_. It's not even her fault but you made me hate a stranger!"  
  
And that's when it really hit Nick. Nick knew how fucked up he had been towards Greg, but only now did he feel the full force of it.  
  
Greg had never shown this emotional side to anyone before. Sharing problems and feelings was something foreign to the both of them. Nick had to admit that he noticed how thin and pale Greg looked the first month of the break up, but he had swatted away any questions about it. Even to his best lab rat friends who worried about Greg on the daily. No one had known about their relationship, but they certainly did have their suspicions.  
  
"I don't get it, Nick. I never did anything to hurt you. Never lied to you, never strayed—hell, I barely even saw my friends during the time we were together because you made me so happy. When I was with you, you made me feel I dunno, complete. Even when you were being fucked up. You know why? Because I fucking loved you, and I thought you felt the same. It was my fault for assuming."  
  
Nick couldn't breathe, but he had to let Greg know that accusation wasn't accurate. He loved Greg—in fact, he still did.  
  
"Greg, you're wrong." Nick swallowed an oncoming lump in his throat as he continued. "I did feel the same way. Honestly, I've never felt that way about another person before and it...horrified me. Especially because I didn't know it was gonna be like—I was being pressured by friends and family at the time to settle and—I've never had feelings for another man until I met you. I know that I fucked up royally but you have to understand why I did the things I did...Not trying to justify things, but...I don't know what else to say."  
  
Greg wiped his tears roughly on the back of his hand before turning away from Nick once more.  
  
"I can't do this. You're breaking my heart again and I won't allow it."  
  
And before Nick could stop him, Greg had already slammed the door shut.

  
  
\---------------------

  
  
A few days elapsed since the attempted conversation at Nick's place and since then, he had been unable to return to his normal routine. Nick promptly ignored every phone call or text Olivia sent his way, and even turned down a round of beers with his best friend Warrick.  
  
The box of his things still sat in the center of the living room, serving as some sort of pathetic memorial to his past love affair with Greg. The light from the ceiling fan seemed to shine on it and make it look more shrine-like than it already did. And though the items belonged to Nick, the scent of Greg and his apartment forever lingered on them.   
  
His birthday was coming up in a few days and Olivia had already expressed her disappointment in not being able to spend it with Nick due to her conference. Nick never really minded as he hated doing things for his birthday anyways. He was actually relieved that she wouldn't be in town for the rest of the week, and especially on his birthday. Though she swore she'd make it up to him the day she got back, he hoped that he would be able to break it off with her before then. There was no use in stringing along a nice person...again.  
  
Nick didn't even know that his birthday was coming up, with the exception of random reminders by coworkers. He didn't care much for it anyways. There was only one thing he wanted for his birthday, but he knew he couldn't have it.  
  
In his delusional state, he almost half expected another tacky card to magically show up in his locker this year, even if he knew it could never happen.

\---------------------

  
  
Greg was working on a dental mold when he heard knocking at his lab door. Looking up from his work in progress, he was distressed to see Nick's face staring back.  
  
He looked back down as fast as he could.  
  
"Hey G."  
  
"Don't call me that."  
  
"Sorry. Greg. I just have a few samples to drop off."  
  
"You know where to put them."  
  
"I know, I was trying to make conversation."  
  
"Look I'm really busy, don't have time to chat."  
  
Nick frowned as he placed the bags on the table. He looked around to make sure no one was watching and knelt down closer to Greg.  
  
Greg looked at him with disgust as he backed his chair away.  
  
"Greg, would you please just—"  
  
"I'm at work, working, and I don't get paid to chat."  
  
"That doesn't sound like you at all."  
  
Greg failed to comprehend the joke as he angrily got up from his chair.  
  
"Are you done?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, you are now so please get the fuck out of my lab."  
  
"Greg, just hear me out."  
  
"I don't want to."  
  
"You don't have to agree, but at least hear me out?"  
  
If this was going to get Nick out of his lab faster, he would unfortunately have to oblige.  
  
"You have ten seconds."  
  
"Well you might not remember, but my birthday's coming up..."  
  
"How could I not remember, you jerk?"  
  
"I'm just saying. Well anyways, a few people wanted me to go out for drinks or what not but...there's really only one thing I want for my birthday."  
  
Greg rolled his eyes as he tried to focus on the gel and teeth in front of him.  
  
"I just wanna grab dinner with you, like old times. Nothing fancy, no frills, just a simple dinner. And I'm not gonna try anything, I swear."  
  
Greg looked away for a few moments before building enough courage to speak.  
  
"No."  
  
"...Okay. I understand." Nick replied sadly, the first time Greg had ever heard such a defeated tone from the older man.

And though he had hurt him mercilessly in the past, Greg couldn't help but feel sorry for him to an extent. Deep down, he still wanted to see Nick on an intimate basis more than anything.  
  
"You fuck me over and now you want me to go on a dinner date with you? You must be out of your mind."  
  
"I get it. I'm sorry, Greg. And it wasn't a dinner date, just dinner."  
  
Nick tried to smile but his face muscles refused to play into his deceitful facade. He quickly turned away and headed for the door.  
  
"Wait."  
  
Nick was shocked to hear that word come out of Greg's mouth. He stopped dead in his tracks and slowly turned around.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Are you gonna pay?"  
  
Nick's eyes almost lit up as he thought about the possibility of Greg coming to dinner. Though the last comment sounded deathly serious, he couldn't help but hope it was Greg's attempt at a joke.  
  
"Of course." Even though it was his own birthday. "I'll take care of everything, I just want you there."  
  
Greg pondered for a few thoughtful moments before answering.  
  
"Maybe. We'll see."  
  
And that was a million times better than a flat out no. Nick was elated beyond comprehension.  
  
"Just think it over. I promise it'll be casual and you won't have to worry about a thing."  
  
The younger man shrugged. Nick took this has a hint to leave and quickly disappeared.  
  
Greg put down the dental mold he had been working on all day to sob into his gloves.

  
  
\---------------------

  
  
Greg glanced up at the neon red sign as he shook his head.

Nick hated sushi and he knew it. Greg had gotten Nick to try it a few times, but it just didn't seem to be his forte. He knew Nick preferred fried Chinese food over fancy Japanese cuisine any day.

He walked into the small but quaint sushi bar and immediately spotted Nick in a private corner. Oddly enough, Nick's hair was styled and he was wearing a nice gray henley accompanied by a black jacket. He looked very handsome, even if Greg didn't want to admit it.  
  
Nick immediately felt Greg's energy as he looked up and saw the blonde walk inside. He smiled lightly and waved at him. Greg didn't return the smile but he slowly made his way over to his table.  
  
"You came."  
  
Silence.  
  
"I didn't think you were gonna stop by, but damn... Thanks Greg."  
  
And that's when reality finally hit and Greg realized what he was doing. He was making the same mistake...twice. He quickly turned around to leave when he felt a hand touch his.  
  
"Are you really gonna leave the birthday boy to eat by himself?"  
  
And whether it was guilt or his own reluctance to leave, Greg grudgingly sat back down.  
  
"You hate sushi."  
  
"I don't hate it."  
  
"You're a liar."  
  
"Okay, I don't particularly like it but I know you love it, so..."  
  
"It isn't my birthday though, it's your birthday."  
  
"I know, but—"  
  
"But what?"  
  
"I don't know. Just thought it'd be a nice change. Someone wise once told me to goof off and get lost a little lost in life." Nick tried to smile again but the effort died on his lips.  
  
Their waitress arrived at the table with perfect timing as she began to converse with the odd pair. Greg quickly glanced at the menu and decided that he wanted to try a bunch of random things, names that Nick couldn't even pronounce. Dependable Nick on the other hand, ventured on the safer side by ordering some type of chicken teriyaki dish.

'_So Nick_,' Greg thought. '_He hasn't changed one bit_.'  
  
Once the waitress was done taking their order, she smiled politely at them and left the table. Nick now focused his attention back on Greg, which was making him nervous.  
  
"You look nice." Nick said genuinely, playing nervously with the napkin in front of him.  
  
"Thanks. You too." Greg repeated, following suit and toying with the chopsticks in front of him.  
  
"Um, thanks again for coming out. I didn't expect it, but I'm glad you did."  
  
"I wasn't going to." Was all Greg said.  
  
"I know."  
  
"But since it was your birthday and we never really got closure I thought why not? Don't make it me regret it, though."  
  
Greg finally attempted to smile, even if it was fake. Nick instantly noticed as the false sense of warmth filled his entire body.  
  
"I broke up with her today."  
  
Greg almost spit out the hot tea he was drinking.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Olivia, I finally ended things. She's a good woman that deserves better. It wasn't fair of me to keep lying to her."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Well good for you."  
  
"I know it's not a good thing, but..."  
  
"I hope you're not thinking because you broke up with her—"  
  
"I'm not. I just wanted you to be the first to know. I still see you as a friend, and I hope that one day you can see me as a friend too."  
  
"Maybe. But it's gonna take some time."  
  
"I understand, one step at a time. I'm okay with that, even if I have to wait a lifetime."  
  
Greg's face saddened as he took another sip of his tea.  
  
"Well, I hope you're happy then."  
  
"Thanks. I am, actually. I guess I have a bad habit of unintentionally hurting people... I never meant to hurt you or Olivia, Greg. I'm just...not a good guy."  
  
Nick took a long sip of his drink as he cleared his throat.  
  
Greg found it impossible to look Nick in the eyes as he mixed his wasabi and soy sauce. Nick smiled weakly as he remembered the first time Greg dragged him to a sushi bar. Nick was reluctant to try anything that was uncooked, but because Greg insisted it was the tastiest thing this side of Tokyo, Nick gave it a chance.   
  
He remembered swallowing a slimy slice of fish and then drowning it with two shots of sake to get the taste out of his mouth. Greg had tried to lighten the situation by placing a piece of fish underneath his nose like a mustache, immediately grimacing at the texture and smell. Nick opened his eyes after the second shot and burst out laughing. Life with Greg sure as hell wasn't easy, but it was fun.  
  
He shook the memory from his mind as he looked at the current state of things. Greg wasn't trying to make Nick laugh or nudging his leg suggestively under the table. He looked lost, staring at his condiment dish, swirling around the wasabi endlessly. A sad smile escaped his lips as the waitress arrived with their food.  
  
They ate their dinner in complete silence, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Greg meekly suggested that Nick should try some of his food but Nick politely turned him down.  
  
"How's your um..."  
  
"Sashimi? Pretty tasty. The roll's good too. You should try it, it's not raw."  
  
Nick shrugged as he picked off a single piece with his hand.

"Nick, chopsticks!" Greg joked, rolling his eyes at Nick's lack of table etiquette.  
  
He shrugged and popped it into his mouth, letting it swish around for a few seconds. It wasn't too bad after all, plus it was named after the city he lived in. He had to try it at least once.  
  
"Hm. Not bad."  
  
"Told ya."  
  
"I guess you were right, baby."  
  
Neither man realized what Nick said until a few moments later.  
  
"My bad Greg, I didn't mean to—"  
  
"It's all right."  
  
"No really, it just kinda slipped."  
  
"I said it's okay."  
  
Nick decided not to press the issue any further as he looked over at the drinks menu.  
  
"Would you like something to drink?"  
  
"No thanks."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
Greg popped another piece of fish into his mouth as he looked over at the drinks menu. He proposed that a small drink wouldn't hurt; hell it'd probably loosen them up a little.  
  
"Well maybe just a couple of shots of sake. It goes with my food anyways."  
  
Nick nodded graciously as he flagged down their waitress.  
  
Nearly twenty shots later, Nick and Greg were both red in the face and a lot friendlier than when they first arrived. They were now comfortably talking about their relationship, the break up, and even a few treasured memories in between.  
  
Greg had finally accepted Nick's apology, though it was more under the guise of being drunk. He still couldn't forgive Nick entirely, but at least this was a start.  
  
"So is this all you're doing for your birthday?"  
  
"Yeah, pretty much. I just wanted to see you."  
  
"I figured."  
  
"But it's great. This is the best birthday ever."  
  
Nick's eyes curved into a moon shape as his lips curled into a smile. It was the first time that evening that Nick had truly felt happy.  
  
"I'm sorry for being such an asshole, but you really hurt me Nick."  
  
"I know. Trust me, I know."  
  
"Well if you knew, why did you do it?"  
  
Nick sighed. They had gone through this at least ten times that night. But he didn't mind explaining it again.  
  
"I was selfish and scared." Nick shrugged. "I've been thinking a lot lately and...I want to come out to my parents. I just...haven't had the courage yet but I'm workin' on it."  
  
Greg was suddenly silent. That was the most progress he had ever heard coming from Nick. When Greg used to ask him about telling his parents, Nick would either get shy and change the subject, or get angry and a fight would erupt. Nick wasn't worried about what people would think, moreso it was an act of self-preservation, an attempt to protect a legacy he thought he wanted.  
  
But now Nick was showing real growth, something Greg definitely had not seen in a long time.   
  
"Well, whenever you do it, just remember that they're your parents. As much as they might not approve of it, you're still their son and they'll always love you. And so will I." Greg said, reaching across the table and placing his hand on top of Nick's.  
  
A tear dropped out of the corner of Nick's eye as he smiled from ear to ear.  
  
"Who knows, man? I'm okay with whatever happens. But Greg, can we...take a walk?"  
  
"I don't know. It's your birthday, _baby_."  
  
Nick smiled. He was so glad that it was his birthday today.

  
  
\---------------------

  
  
The two had drunkenly traveled up and down The Strip, having fun and laughing like they used to.   
  
Greg had sprinted off somewhere, daring Nick to _catch him. _As usual, Greg had miscalculated Nick's athleticism. Nick caught up to him almost instantly, wrapping his arms lovingly around the younger man. He had to admit, he felt...comfortable.  
  
Soon, Nick forgot about why he had broken up with Greg in the first place. This wasn't wrong, this wasn't weird—in fact, nothing had felt so right and so natural in his entire life.  
  
Greg playfully pushed Nick off as he began to run again, an eager Nick following close behind him.  
  
"You better hurry up or I'll be gone!" Greg shouted, and Nick stopped when the words finally hit him.  
  
He was right.   
  
Nick suddenly stopped running as a somber expression overtook his face. Greg cut his laughing as he slowed down and walked over towards Nick.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"We shouldn't be doing this. We're both a little tipsy."  
  
"So?"  
  
"I promised I wouldn't try anything and...you gotta believe me Greg, I didn't think it'd get this far. I just suggested shots to loosen us up so it wouldn't be so awkward. Didn't think it'd end up like this."  
  
"You worry _way_ too much. Live a little." Greg snapped, pulling Nick's lips onto his in one swift motion.  
  
Nick knew it was wrong, knew that Greg was drunk...but he couldn't help it. He had missed Greg so much...his kisses, his touch, his voice...and as wrong as it was, Nick just couldn't help himself.  
  
His body immediately recognized Greg's touch as they closed the distance between them. Nick's arms naturally found their way to Greg's back, tracing every curve confidently as their embrace deepened. Nick also loved the way he could feel Greg's cute smile on his lips as they kissed.

A few moments later the two men parted, completely breathless.  
  
Nick removed his arms from around Greg's body as he intertwined their fingers together.  
  
"So birthday boy, whattya wanna do now?" Greg slurred, swinging his and Nick's hands happily in between them.  
  
"I wanna buy a time machine so I can freeze this moment."  
  
"You're so corny."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Seriously though. What do you wanna do?"  
  
"Seriously."  
  
Greg rolled his eyes as he stopped to kiss Nick again.  
  
"Baby, you're crazy. You know that?"  
  
Greg was too drunk to realize that Nick had never shown public displays of affection until now. Nick had always been too nervous to declare his devotion in public, but even without the alcohol in his system, he didn't care anymore. He wanted the world to know. Especially after all he'd put Greg through.  
  
"Wanna come back to my place?" Greg whispered in Nick's ear, licking a small trail from the nook of his neck downwards.  
  
Nick shuddered at the contact and had to force himself to stay strong. He couldn't take advantage of Greg while he was intoxicated.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I just can't, Greg."  
  
"Why not?" Greg questioned again, this time almost whining.  
  
"Because I promised."  
  
"Well I didn't make any promises. So you can just say it's my fault."  
  
"No, Greg. I can't hurt you again. Don't you see that I'm trying?"  
  
"You're not hurting anyone."  
  
"I will when we wake up in the morning and realize what we've done."  
  
"So are you saying you won't stay with me tonight?"  
  
"I shouldn't—" Nick was conflicted.  
  
"_Stay_."  
  
"No Greg. You're drunk. You don't even know what you're saying."  
  
"Please Texas? I miss you so much."  
  
And that was all Greg had to say before Nick did whatever he asked him to. No matter how much it hurt.  
  
"I miss you too, California."

  
  
\---------------------

  
  
Nick laid in bed, in Greg's bed, as he restlessly stared at the ceiling. Even though Greg was naked and cuddled in his arms, he felt completely alone.

This would have been the icing on the cake, the best gift in the world, had they both been sober. But he knew that Greg had acted impulsively under the influence and he'd regret it in the morning.

The moment itself was transcendental, like a surreal sensory overload, but the connection wasn't fully there.  
  
Nick's heart was breaking, and in this moment of clarity, he was glad to know how it felt.

He tried to get up and leave without waking Greg, but the blonde refused to let him go. Though he was asleep, his grip on Nick tightened with every movement.   
  
Letting out a deep sigh, Nick began to gently massage Greg's ears, just the way he used to like.  
  
Nick looked at his peaceful form and saw a small complacent smile forming on his sleeping lips. He had to stop himself from crying.  
  
How could he have ever let someone like that go? It was obvious that Greg made him happy...how could he have hurt the one person that truly accepted him for who he was, regardless of all his flaws and imperfections?  
  
Greg mumbled something in his slumber as he kissed Nick's bare chest in his favorite sensitive spot.  
  
Nick closed his eyes and prayed for sleep.

  
  
\---------------------

  
  
The next morning he woke up and Greg was gone. There was no warmth on the mattress, no one laying next to him. Only emptiness.  
  
But he had expected as much.  
  
Saddened by the reality of things, Nick got up from the bed as he began to put on his clothes.  
  
Suddenly he felt a cold pair of hands stop him. He jerked up to see Greg's expressionless face.  
  
"Greg."  
  
"Before you say anything, I want you to have this."  
  
Nick looked at the item in Greg's hand and noticed it was some sort of gift wrapped up in festive paper. So Greg.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Open it."  
  
"Hm."  
  
"Do you trust me?"  
  
Nick nodded as he began to eagerly rip apart the wrapping paper. His entire face lit up when he realized what it was.  
  
"Your old Stanford shirt?"  
  
"Yeah. I just figured, you know, you should keep it. It's a good school."  
  
Nick almost teared up as he burst out laughing.  
  
"I don't know if I can fit this G, but this is...this is great."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Thanks, it really means a lot."  
  
"I love you, Nick. Don't fuck me over again..._please_..." Greg whispered, breaking down and fastening his arms around Nick's neck aggressively.

Nick quickly embraced the younger man, holding onto Greg as tightly as he could.  
  
"I...I love you too... I'm sorry I never said those words to you, Greg. I always meant to, but...never found the right timing. I know you don't get what I'm saying, but..."  
  
"Actually I do, dummy. And by the way I want that A&M shirt back. I feel like something's been missing."  
  
And even though neither man said it out loud, they both knew that they were together again.

They had a lot of kinks to work out, but as long as they had each other, anything was possible.  
  
Nick grinned as he pulled Greg into a bear hug. Now that he had him safely in his arms he would never let him go again.  
  
Not that he wanted to, anyways.


End file.
